All prices in euros. One shirt €35, two €31 each, three €29 each. EU shipping is €5 flat, and free from €60, which two shirts clears, so one shirt shipped is €40 and two are €62. Misprinted or damaged, replaced free within 30 days with nothing to send back. Changed your mind, 14 days to return it, return postage yours.
Ten designs · one heavyweight blank
A shirt talks before you do. These ten are built for that, six of them start a conversation, four of them end one. Heavyweight natural cotton, printed to be read.
How this works
Every design here does one of two jobs. Knowing which one you want is most of the decision.
It is a range, not a switch. Some of these barely raise their voice. Most open Most closed
Someone reads it, recognises themselves in it, and says something. It hands a stranger a safe, low-stakes way in, so the first thing anyone says to you is already about something you both find funny.
Wear it when you’re somewhere new, at the thing you didn’t want to go to alone, or on a day you’d rather be spoken to than not.
It states the boundary so you don’t have to enforce one out loud. No excuse, no tone to manage, no small talk to escape from. The shirt has already been rude on your behalf, politely.
Wear it when you’re travelling, in a queue, out of social battery, or simply not available for a conversation about the weather.
The collection
All ten designs
“I pushed a pull door confidently. I must move”
Admits the thing everyone has done, so anyone who reads it has a version of their own to offer.
“My stress has its own stress”
Says where you are without a status update. Usually gets a nod rather than a question.
“I love plans for a me who actually leaves the house”
Sets the expectation before anyone makes plans with you. The softest of the four, it closes a door without shutting it.
“I check my phone, put it away. No idea what time it is”
Universally true and completely harmless. The safest opener in the ten.
“It’s 4 PM. The day is officially over”
Agreed with instantly by anyone who has ever had a job.
“Still working out how fast to pass you without a race”
Names a private calculation everybody runs. Recognition first, conversation second.
“Do not ask me for directions, I barely navigate my own life”
The most literal one here. It is an instruction, and people follow it.
“One minor snag away from a new country, a fake name”
Signals you’re at capacity without anybody having to ask if you’re alright.
“Trying to look closed off, also financially stable”
States the intent out loud, which is funnier and more effective than the face.
“I typed haha while staring, with absolute neutrality”
A confession everybody shares, printed by someone who has done it in the last hour.
Every design is the same natural heavyweight blank. Pick a size on the card and it goes straight in the bag.
Build a three
Take two that open and one that closes, or whatever combination is actually true of you. Nothing here has to match. The price drops on its own.
Add or remove
Getting the size right
Buying a shirt you can’t try on is a guess. Here are three ways to stop guessing, in order of how well they work.
Lay it flat, measure straight across from armpit to armpit, and match that number. It is the most reliable method there is, because it compares a garment to a garment instead of a garment to a body.
Around the fullest part, tape level, one finger of slack. The finder converts that into a size and tells you exactly how much room you’ll have, so you can disagree with it if you want.
The fit is boxy and relaxed on purpose. Your usual size will work. If you’re between two, take the smaller one, this blank runs generous.
The shirt itself, measured flat, in centimetres, from the supplier spec sheet. Not body sizes.
| Size | Chest (flat) | Length | Fits chest |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 57cm | 76cm | 94–99cm |
| M | 60cm | 78cm | 99–105cm |
| L | 63cm | 80cm | 105–111cm |
| XL | 66cm | 82cm | 111–117cm |
| 2XL | 69cm | 84cm | 117–124cm |
| 3XL | 73.5cm | 85cm | 124–133cm |
Chest is measured flat, so double it for the full circumference.
Misprinted, faulty or damaged in the post: tell us within thirty days and a replacement goes out free. You keep the first one, there is nothing to send back.
Changed your mind, or the size is wrong? You have fourteen days from the day it arrives to tell us you are cancelling, then a further fourteen days to post it back. We refund the shirt and the delivery you paid. Trying it on for fit is fine; we only reduce the refund if it comes back used or damaged beyond that. Return postage is yours. We would rather charge honestly for the shirt than fold the cost of free returns into everybody’s price.
The blank
A joke on a bad shirt lasts about four washes. The cheap blanks go transparent, the collar gives up inside a month, and the print cracks into a barcode. So there is one blank here, it is the expensive one, and that is the entire range.
Every photo on this page is the same garment you would receive, shot flat. The cards crop in so the printed line is legible; the product page shows each one uncropped.
Where this is up to
There are no reviews on this page because nobody has left one yet. I could have written six glowing ones with fake names and a 4.9 average, most new stores do, and you’d have no way of telling. I’d rather say it plainly: you would be early.
So instead of borrowed credibility, here is everything I can actually prove. The measurements in the size table are the garment, not a body chart. The price ladder applies itself with no code to remember. And if it turns up misprinted or damaged, a replacement goes out free and you keep the first one. If you simply do not want it, you have fourteen days to tell me and a further fourteen to post it back, and I refund the shirt and the delivery, though the return postage is yours: I would rather say that here than surprise you with it later.
What I cannot show you is the shirt on a person. There are ten photographs and every one of them is the garment flat, no model, no studio, no borrowed body that is nothing like yours anyway. That is the biggest thing missing from this page and I would rather say it than have you notice. What stands in for it is the chart, which is the garment measured flat rather than a guess at who is wearing it, and fourteen days to disagree with me.
There is no “we”, incidentally. Everywhere else on this page it says we, because that is how shops talk. It is one person, and this is them.
, The person who picked the blank, wrote the lines, and answers hello@wearsecondlanguage.com
€10 off, no small talk
One email when a new design lands. That is the whole arrangement. No newsletter, no “hey friend”, no life updates.
Unsubscribe in one click. We will not miss you out loud.
Before you ask
The fit is boxy and relaxed on purpose. Your usual size will work. If you’re between two, take the smaller one, this blank runs generous. If you want to be certain, measure a shirt you already like across the chest and put that number into the size finder; it matches garment to garment, which is the only method that reliably works.
Because there aren’t any yet. This shop is new. Inventing them is easy, common, and in a lot of places illegal, so there is a founder’s note further up the page instead, and everything on this site that can be checked, measurements, materials, photographs, prices, is real.
We ship across the EU for now. Every shirt is printed for your order in Germany, so nothing sits in a warehouse waiting, but printing to order is not fast: the print house allows itself up to 10 days to make and dispatch your shirt, and delivery comes on top of that. Checkout quotes 7 to 17 business days from order to doorstep, so plan on up to about three and a half weeks. Shipping is €5 flat, and free once your order reaches €60, which two shirts clears.
It shouldn’t. It’s water-based ink absorbed into the fibre rather than a plastic layer pressed on top, so it stays soft and ages with the shirt instead of flaking off it. Wash cold, inside out, hang dry, and it will outlive the mood that made you buy it. If it turns up cracked, or the print fails inside thirty days, tell us and a replacement goes out free. You keep the first one, there is nothing to send back.
You have fourteen days from the day it arrives to tell us you are cancelling, and a further fourteen days from telling us to post it back. We refund the shirt plus the delivery you paid. Trying it on for fit is fine, the same as you would in a shop; we only reduce the refund if it comes back used or damaged beyond that. No reason required and no form asking you to pick one from a list. Return postage is yours to pay, because we are a small shop printing to order and we would rather price the shirt honestly than build free returns into every order. If the shirt is misprinted, faulty or arrives damaged, that is different: a replacement goes out free and you keep the first one.
Yes. Two shirts drop every shirt to €31, three drops every shirt to €29, and they don’t have to be the same design or the same size. No code, nothing to remember. At two shirts you also clear the free-shipping threshold, so the second shirt costs €22 all in, €40 for one, €62 for two. The €10 first-order code comes off on top of all of it, it is not a “discount” you have to choose between. Take the code and the three-pack price together.
It’s the correct gift for a specific person: the one who replies to everything with a single word and means it warmly. Pick a starter if they’re the sort who wants to be spoken to and an ender if they aren’t. If you know which of the ten is theirs, you already know.
The boring but necessary part
€5 flat anywhere in the EU. Free once your order reaches €60, which two shirts clears. The exact figure is on the bag before you pay, you will not meet a new number at checkout.
Every shirt is printed for your order in Germany, so nothing is sitting in a warehouse waiting. Printing and dispatch take up to 10 days, and EU delivery is on top of that. Allow 7 to 17 business days in total. That is the same window checkout quotes you, not a friendlier number we put on the website.
Shirts ship in a flat envelope, not a box.
Misprinted, faulty or damaged: tell us within 30 days and a replacement goes out free. You do not need to send the original back and it costs you nothing. A photograph helps us fix it faster.
Changed your mind, or the size is wrong: you have 14 days from the day it arrives to cancel, for any reason and without explaining yourself. That is your right under EU consumer law and we do not shorten it. Tell us inside those 14 days, send the shirt back within 14 days of telling us, and we refund the price of the shirt plus the standard delivery you paid, within 14 days of it reaching us. Trying it on for fit is fine, the same as you would in a shop. We only reduce the refund if the shirt comes back used or damaged beyond that.
Return postage is yours to pay. We are a small shop printing to order, and we would rather charge honestly for the shirt than fold the cost of free returns into everybody’s price. If we sent the wrong thing, that is our mistake and we cover all of it.
The email address you give us is used to send you your €10 code and a note when a new design lands. That is the entire list of things it is used for. It is not sold, and one click unsubscribes.
Your cart is stored in your own browser, not on a server. Clearing your browser data clears it.
Email hello@wearsecondlanguage.com. It goes to the person who picked the blank and wrote the lines, and it is the same address that handles returns.
If you are between sizes, or unsure whether a design is the right one for someone, send the question before you order. An honest answer costs us less than a return.